BlogFam, I do not know what has gotten into me. I know that it has been way too long since I have written a series and now I feel deeply compelled to offer this new series, inviting you into my private struggle. Not too long ago, a person very near and dear to my heart suggested that I allow you all to walk with me on my journey of physical transformation and weight release. I have to be honest with you. I did not want to. I was way too embarrassed to open my mouth to speak about it even though people only needed to open their eyes to see it. Then, over the last nearly two months, the Lord has been intentionally and intensely preparing me for a new assignment and part of my preparation is to be excellent in the care of my temple.
I strive for excellence in everything. I put my best foot forward in my writing, preaching, ministry opportunities, in my friendships, and scholarship; but when it comes to the care of my temple, I have privately struggled with everything about it. What about you? Is there anything in your life that you privately struggle with that has you frustrated or embarrassed to talk about. My weight is my "thing." And I have come to the place where I have tried so many different options, including prayer and exercise and eating right and since I am still struggling, I am going to add ONE more thing to this process. TESTIMONY.
Now, you might think that is not a big deal, but for me, it is. I do NOT like to have conversations with ANYONE about my weight, my dress size, my breast size, my shortness of breath, my emotional food rewards, or the games I play in my own head with myself about how wide I really am. And frankly, I am tired of seeing the AFTER pictures and celebrations of people who NEVER really tell you the whole truth about their journey to fitness. So, I am breaking my silence. The Word says we OVERCOME by the blood of the Lamb AND the word of our TESTIMONY, so I am going to TESTIFY in advance about the good, the bad, the depressing, the embarrassing thoughts and experiences I have had along this journey.
I testify so that I will OVERCOME and not allow the enemy to keep playing tricks with my eyes and in my mind about how important it is for me to BE physically healthy.... NOT skinny.... Healthy. AND I know that there are so many people who are struggling with their own "THING" and have no one to relate to because most people wait until the battle is over to shout. I am breaking that paradigm and my own silence. I am letting you all in in a way that pushes me to be vulnerable and transparent when I would much rather be quiet. Yet, I know that in one of my next Kingdom assignments, my own transparency with my testimony will be a critical factor for men and women to come to know Jesus in the pardon of their sins. So, here we go...
BlogFam, I do not know where to begin only because I have so much to say. I have so many stories about these #100PoundsOfExcuses that I honestly do not know where to begin. Pause...
Let me just start by saying this. I am not a personal trainer so I will likely not be giving food or exercise tips. I just want to expose the internal battlefield of my mind between me and food. For example, one of the things that I absolutely hate is when people ask me what I ate for the day. I hate it. And yes, I admit, that might be due to my own sensitivity concerning food and the judgments that I know people make about thick girls such as myself but still, please do not ever ask me that question. If I choose to share what I ate or if we are dining together in a restaurant, then that conversation is not off limits and is OK. Proceed with caution. There is only ONE person on the earth who can ask and I am really cool with it and she knows who she is. If I have never had that conversation with you, then it is not you. So, don't ask me that. As I go forward, I may or may not get to the place where it is not a big deal, but in this season, I will not ask you and you most definitely do not need to ask me. I know this sounds so weird to some of you but it is where I am. I have so many different things going on in my own mind around food and weight and my size that responding to your inquiries feel like sticks and stones.
Friends, we are going deep. This is going to be that kind of series. And you will probably find out way more than you wanted to know about this "Woman of God." But my priority is not your comfort but that through my transparency, you will also experience your own breakthrough and healing for whatever your thing is and that we would ALL eliminate our own excuses for embracing excellence in every area of our lives!!!
So, please "LIKE" the Facebook page: www.facebook.com/100PoundsofExcuses and pray with me as I pray for you! I will be writing this blog as well as sharing videos and we shall see how God will work through it all...
GOD LOVES YOU and I DO TOO!